Book Review: My Father's Daughter

Hannah, P. (2005). My fathers' daughter: A story of family and belonging. New York, NY: Free Press, 277 pages

In 2004, before Pool embarked on a life changing journey, she was a beauty editor for the Guardian newspaper in the United Kingdom. Pool was born in Eritrea in 1974 and was adopted from an orphanage in Asmara (the capital of Eritrea) by a white couple –the wife was American and the husband was a British academic. She resides in London and is still a journalist for the Guardian newspaper where she writes on a variety of topics.

This book is a memoir of Pool’s journey back to her birthplace to meet the family she never knew she had. This book is informative to a general educated audience with an interest in adoption and an audience that may or may have been adopted. Also, book is informative in interracial adoption from an adoptee’s point of view. Adoptees may want to beware that the author does tend to generalize experience to most adoptees. Males may want to be beware that the book is written in a feminine perspective.

Rating: 2) I recommend this book, both for an academic audience and a general educated audience with an interest in adoption, specifically with interracial adoption.

Clemens Library already owns this book.   

                Hannah Azieb Pool was about six months old she was adopted by a white couple –an American woman and her British husband. They were informed that Pool had no living family members and thus that was what Pool believed for the majority of her life. Pool spent time in Sudan with her adoptive parents, but when her adoptive mother passed away from an overdose, she was sent to Norway. By the time her adoptive father came to pick her up she had acquired a Norwegian accent and upon arrival in London she was soon known as the ‘black girl who spoke with a Norwegian accent’.  A main theme in her book was discovering her self- identity and a sense of belonging. She always responded to those who were curious as to what she was as “I’m not Eritrean, I’m just black” (Pool, 2005, p. 6). She struggles to understand the burning question every adoptee has: why was I put up for adoption?

Being that Pool was a beauty editor, her book lacked an androgyny feel to it. Her first opening line is “What do you wear to meet your father for the first time?” (Pool, 2005, p. 1) followed by phrases such as “Okay, if I treat it as a first date, then I’m on home turf. What image do I want to put across?” (Pool, 2005, p. 13) or “Classy, rather than trendy, and if my G-string doesn’t pop out, I should be able to carry the whole thing off” (Pool, 2005, p. 14). Her writing style is very feminine and straight- forward, thus it leaves no room for other interpretation. This is a weakness in the book as it becomes a question of rather she is more interested in her clothes than meeting her family members. It seems like she is wandering off from her main objective: to find who she is. Furthermore, her thoughts and opinions fill most of the pages. For instance, before she was going to meet with her cousin who lived in London, it took an entire chapter for her to go through the stages of what she should wear, rather she should actually attend the meeting or not to what she should do to calm her nerves down.

In a way, one could argue that her writing style is her strength in that it creates a sense of reality since it contributes to the understanding of what it’s like to be adopted. Readers are able to experience the different feelings that occur when an adoptee goes back to his/ her homeland and meet their birthfather and family. One of our guest speakers, M.G. explained that although her birthmother contacted her first, she was not ready to reach out to her and it took years before she finally decided to meet with her. M.G. expressed the crucial idea that the adoptee is the one who holds the power to make the choice in meeting the birthparents or not. Pool’s response to her family situation is the same; when she received a letter from her brother stating that her father and siblings were alive, it took her years to respond back. Pool made it clear that for her “it was only a matter of time before I came [to Eritrea]. Even as a child, I knew it was a question of when, rather than if” (Pool, 2005, p. 102). She goes on to explain the reasoning for why she finally decided to meet her family:

“But it’s not the rational, sensible ‘why’ that we want answered, not the ‘better chance in life’ explanation that we may have been put off with all our lives, but the emotional, heartfelt ‘why’; Why didn’t you want me? How could you do that to me? How could you leave me to fend for myself with complete strangers? Was I really so much trouble?  […] no matter how much we love our adoptive parents, no matter how much we don’t  want to hurt them or how guilty we feel for having these thoughts, we all wish we hadn’t been put up for adoption” (Pool, 2005, p. 102)

Furthermore, the idea of the adoptee holding the most power in this situation is present when Pool decides to visit the place she was born. Initially, her brothers resisted such idea because they all knew it was also the place their mother passed away. Regardless of the four hours walk , Pool was determine to go see it and it proved to be a great experience for her as she also met her mother’s sisters. In witnessing the house she was born in and the bed she was born on, she was able to understand the circumstances in which her family had lived for her birthfather to give her up and this proved to be the comfort that she needed.

Aside from being in the company of her new large family, Pool often felt belittle because of her gender. Her brothers would carry everything for her, including her purse and water bottle. At first, Pool enjoyed the idea of it, but the idea of asking them for her water bottle whenever she was thirsty became an annoyance. When she insisted she hold onto it, they thought such idea was unbearable. In addition, her trip was managed by her brothers who simply informed her of where and when they were going on that day without asking for her opinions, and she is expected to follow. This confirms the same inequality that is common when pregnant women were expected to put their babies up for adoption, with no other choices offered.  Rickie Solinger (2001) states that adoption is about “the abject choicelessness of some resourceless women” (p. 67). This exemplifies that inequality is located everywhere, even across borders and within different context, however the underlying message that these women are oppressed remain the issue for both cases.

On the contrary, when Pool wanted to visit her place of birth, it was not just her brothers who stopped her, but her sister as well.  Pool notes, “all of the others have tried to put me off going to Bekishemnok [her birth place], but no one has actively forbidden me from going, not even my father, until now. And there was I thinking that because Timnit was the only woman in the family she’d have little or not say about anything. I am of course pleased to be wrong” (Pool, 2005, p. 230). Her older sister, Timnit demanded for Pool not to go on such visit because it would be too hard of a journey for her. As much as Pool is opposed to hearing this, the opinion her sister voiced brought up a newer level of connection between the two of them because they were able to fight over the issue despite the language differences. Timnit’s attitude to protect Pool is similar to the women who founded the Concerned United Birthparents (CUB) to provide support for birthparents who have given up a child to adoption. Again, although the contexts are different, I still think it’s important to recognize that there are woman of strong leadership who would stand up to protect what they have and what they are passionate about.

                In addition, aside from adoption and gender being relevant in the book, Pool briefly mentions a statement that relates to our readings on interracial adoption. She states, “I can see how poor they are, I can see how hard their lives will be and what little opportunity they will have, yet I am jealous of their few certainties. And I hate myself for it. What kind of person feels jealous of a six-year-old living in poverty? And then I ask myself, if I had the money, would I be doing this child a favor by taking her back to England with me or would I be screwing her up forever?” (Pool, 2005, p. 220). The way she describes her experience provides the deeper understanding into the debate of interracial adoption. Pool does not answer her own question directly, but in some way she is answering it with the purpose of her journey. In order for Pool to know herself, she had to know her family and her culture and that is exactly why she came to Eritrea to seek out answers. In London, she struggled between three identities: Eritrea, British or British- Eritrea and with her experience in Eritrea she was she able to understand and accept that “the answer is both [British-Eritrea]. The two identities are not mutually exclusive; they coexist” (Pool, 2005, p. 276). Through her action, Pool has inadvertently shown that to an adoptee, culture is important. Maybe there would have been a different outcome if Pool had learn about her heritage or Tigrinya, the native language when she was younger, however what matters is that culture remains an significant aspect at the heart of interracial adoption.  

                The book provided a great insight into the cognitive thinking of adoptees. Pool’s emotions on her trip were strong and genuine; and carried out well through the book. She weaved a beautiful story to help readers understand the heartaches, excitement, and sadness that is involved within the life of an adoptee. Pool was able to put her individualistic mindset aside to witness the gender differences across cultures and with that she was able to better bridge her relationship with her sister and brothers. The purpose to finding and understanding who she is proved to not only benefit her, but to the foundation of understanding what is important in an interracial adoption.  I recommend this book because it will definitely be a great way for readers to glimpse into the life of an adoptee. 

- MAI NHIA.

References

Solinger, R. (2001). Claiming rights in the era of choice: Part 1: Awakenings. Beggars and choosers: how the politics of choice shapes adoption, abortion, and welfare in the United States. (pp. 65-101). NY: Hill and Wang